Hal Dumpenchest <Dr.********@gmail.com>
To: zssn6-***37341.@*********.com
Hi there,
I would like to know more about your Lemur for sale or trade. I was a traveling sales person for many years, which has allowed me to collect many different things. I have a few questions. First, have you ever dressed the Lemur in any costumes? Second, how large is the cage? My wife and I are starting a traveling American pop music group, using animals, so information is important. We already Kei$ha the Kitty, Justin Beaver and Mongoose Cyrus. We are looking to add a rock segment to our show, so we are thinking of Lemur Kravitz. What does the Lemur eat? Can it be around children? We just booked a show in Baltimore for children with Paxinosses, which is a very rare disease, usually found a low lying maritime regions along the coasts of the United States...just so sad. Moving on, we would appreciate a prompt response, for time is of the essence.
Thanks,
Hal Dumpenchest IV Esq.
Response:
From: zssn6-***37341.@*********.com
Never had him in costumes and he is in a mode right now
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From: Hal Dumpenchest <Dr.********@gmail.com>
What kind of mode is that?
-Hal
From: zssn6-***37341.@*********.com
He is horny so right now he is aggressive
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I would be willing to hire somebody to fix that issue, how large is the cage? I will research possible solutions, for time is of the essence.
From: zssn6-***37341.@*********.com
Like 6 feet tall by 3 feet wide by 2 feet deep
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Excellent, have you explored options to alleviate its issue? Would the lemur still be able to wear a small leather outfit and a small custom made guitar?
From: zssn6-***37341.@*********.com
Never did and he should be able to where them
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Ok, what we're you looking for in exchange? I am open to anything
From: zssn6-***37341.@*********.com
What do u have to exchange
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I will compose a list for you. Would you consider a trade for another animal?
From: zssn6-***37341.@*********.com
Depends what the animal is
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Below is a list of a few items that I currently have either at my house or in storage I am willing to trade. Let me know if anything sounds interesting:
At the house:
1. 1 homemade Bud Light Can Lamp
2. 1 "collectors" bag of sand from Belize
3. Tupperware containers and sandwich bags in various sizes
4. Vanilla Ice Ash Tray
5. A six back of limited edition Napoleon Dynamite Energy Drinks
6. A Giant rubber band ball with various colors
7. Limited Edition Backstreet Boys Board Game
8. A Wong's Wok Gift Card with at $11.43 remaining on it
9. Slightly Used Symbian signed by Ron Jeremy
10. Complete VHS colleciton of smash hit series "Alf".
In storage (storage facitlity is in Waukesha and climate controlled)
1. 1 Bobcat, female, roughly 3 years old, recently vaccinated.
2. 12 garden snakes (caught by yours truly). Fed bi-weekly, crickets mostly.
3. 2 Pomeranians 1 male, 1 female. I'm not entirely sure how old. I found them in someones yard while out doing my Neighborhood Watch rounds. Their tags say they are named Bandit and Lucy, but I renamed them RuPaul and Maurice. Maurice wasn't looking to well the last time I was there, but I'm sure he's fine.
4. 2 Macaw's, Strom and Atticus. One thing I should mention is their previous owner was VERY racist and taught them some rather colorful language, hence the reason they have been locked up in storage.
5. 1 gold glitter Christmas Tree
6. 1 Atari 2600. Include River Raid, Astroids and Donkey Kong.
7. 1 homemade chuch pulpit
8. Slightly stained New Kids on The Block Blanket
9. 1 garbage bag full of mis-matched socks (including brands such as Hugo Boss, Calvin Kline and Banana Republic!!)
10. A box of expired coupons from various retailers, including Target, Wal-Mart and Wal-Greens. Sometimes I take them in and plead ignorance to the expiration date and they still take them!!! Suckers!
Let me know if you're at all interested!
-Hal
From: zssn6-***37341.@*********.com
Do you have pictures of the bobcat
Is the bobcat friendly and can u like hold it
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Sure do! The first one is of Bobby (the Bobcat...get it??? LOL!) sitting on my 3rd wife's head. Wives #1 and #2 don't care for Bobby as he "accidentally" killed one of our infant daughters, which is actually the reason he was moved to a storage unit. We didn't want to get the cops involved and risk having Bobby go to a diffetent family, so we dropped the (sadly) deceased baby off at a 24 hour clinic and moved the Bobcat to storage. Now all the wives sleep in separate rooms which is frustrating as you can imagine. NO COMMUNICATION ANYMORE! Anyway, the 2nd picture is of Bobby as a baby shortly after I caught him in one of my traps.
I'd like to say he's friendly, excluding the previously mentioned "accident" above. He doesn't seem to like it when I shake his cage or playfully shoot at him with my paintball gun, but other than that he's fine as can be. He just paces back and forth in his cage when even I check in on him. Personally, I think he isn't a fan of the Pomeranian's, as they whimper a lot and smell like piss and poo, but its nothing a good poke with a stick can't cure on the spot. Last time I took him out of his cage was last Thanksgiving to show him to a buddy who had a baby Puma. We had drank a little too much spiked cider and wanted to see if they would fight eachother, but they just sniffed each other and tried to escape. THANK GOD they didn't fight! Can you imagine the mess??
Let me know!
-Hal
I like it but I thought it was a girl and it killed ur child
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Do we seriously need to go in depth about such a tragic event?! As if
we don't grieve enough already! Kinda sick if you ask me...makes me
question the home our dear Bobby would be going to...
U told me bobby was a girl then u sad he was a boy
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Ummmm...yeah, I guess it triggered the memory of our sweet daughter
who Bobby accidentally mauled to death so I mistakenly said he is a
she. Geez! What is with you?! Why do you need to force me and my wives
to relive such painful memories???!!!
Im not sure what are u talking about u keep bringing it up
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Uh huh...way to try and bring it back on me pal. Tell that to my
crying 3rd wife. You got me so worked up I had no choice but to take
my aggression out and push her down the stairs. Thanks a lot pal.
You are a syco I wouldn't want my lemur to go live with you
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Im the psycho? You're the weirdo with the dead baby fetish. Nobody
wants your stupid, flea bitten lemur either.
Actually people do no body wants to here ur story
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Well excuse me for trying answer questions about my Bobcat truthfully!
Would wanted me to have lied??!! Sorry...I'm a church going man. You
need some Jesus in your life.
U need help u dont just let ur dead daughter in front of a 24 hour hospital
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THERE YOU GO AGAIN!! Ever heard of Rest in Peace? Your obsession with
our deceased daughter is mind blowing! I'm going to have to bring wife
#3 to the storage shed because she is crying so much because of you.
Ur fucked up
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Soooooooo...are you interested in the Pomeranian's? I'll throw in the Garden snakes. Need to make room for the wife.
-Hal
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